REMEMBERING SAMMY BAKER

 REMEMBERING SAMMY BAKER

Today marks the one year anniversary of Sammy's tragic death.

MENTAL HEALTH & WELL BEING is  necessary for we as humans to operate at our top level.

Sammy was an instagram influencer from Germany who's whole life he had to look forward to. 

Sammy was a health and fitness coach and influencer who was an online coach helping men find their body confidence. He provided online coaching and inspiration.

He had over a hundred and fifty thousand plus followers on his social media. He was so inspirational with a beautiful outlook on LIFE. 

His tag line on his social media was GIVE/BELIEVE/INSPIRE

He would post videos and messages regarding both PHYSICAL & MENTAL WELL BEING through EXERCISE, DIET, MINDFULNESS, SERVICE & SELFCARE.

He had a bright future ahead of him.  He was only in his early twenties but had so much insight into life. HE HAD A VERY BRIGHT FUTURE AHEAD OF HIM. 

I did not know SAMMY personally other than finding and following him online. I was so impressed with his WISDOM at such a young age. 

Sammy was in Amsterdam celebrating his 23rd birthday. Something happened while Sammy was celebrating with some friends. From what I have learned Sammy was separated from friends and missing for a time. His parents were alerted and reached out to police for their help. 

Apparently Sammy was suffering from a mental episode when police found Sammy he was in a state of DISTRESS and really needed some professional help to bring him out of his state. 

Instead of receiving the MEDICAL HELP HE NEEDING. The police officers SHOT HIM DEAD. 

So rather than deescalate  the situation and get Sammy the help he obviously so desperately needed, a family is now remembering their loved one who was senselessly killed on his one year anniversary. 

I can't even imagine the pain and suffering this year has been for his family trying to get all the answers seeing Sammy was killed in a foreign country. The pain and anguish has got to be so HEAVY.

There of course has been a public outcry for ANSWERS.

The family has turned their PAIN TO PURPOSE with creating a movement called JUSTICE FOR SAMMY.

This story really struck me as we here in America seem to be dealing with this time very subject all to often especially among the black community where officers are all too quick to pull the trigger. 

Something has to be DONE. We are losing way to many lives UNNECESSARILY. 

I am not bashing all cops and saying all cops are bad or do not having the training or the COMPASSION TO BE OF SERVICE TO THE PEOPLE AND TO HELP.

But I do believe that many of these guys who suit up in the name of the  law. I believe they  have an agenda and HIDE BEHIND THE BADGE to exercise their prejudice and deep rooted hate that is

 LEARNED IN THE HOME for any and all who are not like THEM. WE  ARE WITNESS TO IT HERE IN AMERICA ALMOST DAILY. 

We have witnessed HATE IN THE HIGHEST DEGREE TO THOSE WHO ARE DIFFERENT THAN WHAT THE CORRUPT PEOPLE IN OFFICE LOOK TO AS SUPERIOR. It is DISGUSTING. 

That being said Sammy's case is different but the same.  

I guess what I am trying to say is those out there on the front lines to PROTECT & SERVE need to DO JUST THAT. 

Sammy's family should not be marking his one year anniversary they should be celebrating his 24th BIRTHDAY. 

Sammy's voice was silenced way to young. So tragic and unfortunate, he was just starting out on his journey which should have brought memories and years of adventures. HE HAD A VERY PROMISING FUTURE all snuffed out and way before his dreams and journey should have ended.

I was truly saddened to see such a BRIGHT LIGHT being extinguished. I was so moved by Sammy's story because through our time isolated due to the pandemic, I was made aware how important it is to nurture ourselves and our mental well being.

It has been a very difficult time for so many. Sammy's story for me just confirmed that not just here but globally we need to better for each other with the proper resources for those in need.

I am not saying that Sammy's situation was do to Covid and being isolated. But we have seen a increase in mental health situation the past fifteen months living through a global pandemic. 

WE NEED TO SPEND MORE RESOURCES ON MENTAL HEALTH.

Obviously police departments throughout the world need more training when dealing with folks having a mental health care crisis.

WE CAN DO BETTER. WE MUST DO BETTER. 

I am thinking of Sammy' s family and friends today and as they continue to navigate life in the absence of SAMMY. 

FLY FREE SAMMY. 

P.S 

HAPPY 79TH MOM. LOVE YOU.

35 YEARS AND COUNTING

 35 YEARS AND COUNTING.

July marks my 35th year of packing up my car to venture out on my life journey.

TIME TO FLY THE NEST.

It has been an action packed 35.

Many adventures. Many more to come. I HOPE.

Also a tremendous amount of loss in every form that loss can come. 

CAREER, FRIENDSHIPS, FAMILY, LOVE & SELF.

Obstacles and challenges is part of the recipe necessary for GROWTH.

Also our willingness to be OPEN to the lessons and challenges we are presented with. 

I have been stumbling for 35 years. The only way that I have been able to still be on this journey is to carve my own path. 

My way is not for everyone, that's why it is MY WAY. There is no instruction manual. Even if there were I am not one who likely would have taken the time to read it anyway. My journey would have been much easier if I was the type to take the time. 

OH WELL. 

I must say 35 years has gone by SO FAST. 

They say the older you get the quicker it seems to go. This is a FACT. This is something I confirm with certainty. I AM THERE. 

Aging is not all BAD. There is a FREEDOM that comes with the years as they pass.

I personally have suffered much loss through the years. 

So being gifted the number of years I have been gifted is just that A GIFT.

So many have not been so fortunate. 

WE WANT TO ASK WHY? As these unfortunate events happen around the world and in our own lives     I am beginning to understand that even though we want to know why. It is not necessary for us to know. 

THIS ONE IS A HARD ONE.

Many of my writings are about loss and saying goodbye YET AGAIN.

This post is also one of those posts.

In this post I say goodbye to three more people that have been a part of my journey and have added to my life for the time we spent together. 

1st my friend Susie had to say goodbye to her husband Mike.  Mike and Susie hosted me while I was on one of my many cross country trips. We had the opportunity to break bread and share a meal together.

Thank you Susie for introducing me to Mike and sharing stories of the beautiful family that you created. I know as you mourn the loss of your partner and begin this new journey that you are now on. You will be comforted by your FRIENDS, FAMILY & FAITH. I wish you PEACE on this new journey. Mike, thank you for hosting me and our sushi meal together.  FUCK CANCER.

REST WELL.

2nd my friend Liz. We were hometown friends and former co-workers. I had not seen you in years. I was saddened to see you were battling a cancer diagnosis.  This year on our birthdays you were on my mind as the realization that you would be celebrating your LAST weighed heavy on my mind. Than to see six weeks later your fight had come to an end. FUCK CANCER. 

FLY FREE my friend. You whenever I thinks of our friendship I smile. I can really use that $20 RIGHT NOW. 

3rd  Joshua, I thought of you on July 4th as I was driving back from Horseshoe Bend. We just missed each other in the Grand Canyon by a day. I am planning a trip to Chicago in the fall and was going to send you a message to ask for recommendation on where to stay and what to do. An hour after thinking of you as I was driving home, I got online to see that you not even 12 hours earlier you were killed in a car accident. 

SO FUCKING SAD. I AM SO SORRY.  It was so nice seeing all of the photos from your trip. YOU LOOKED LIKE YOU WERE IN A REALLY GOOD PLACE AND HAPPY.  31 YEARS OLD AND YOU ARE GONE. 

WHY???????????????????????????????????

Sometime we just need to TRUST that there is a reason for EVERYTHING. 

Does not make it any EASIER. 

I do know that my lessons are not completed yet. 

So understanding that, I try to face each new day that I am gifted and ACCEPT WHATEVER I AM PRESENTED WITH. 

While I am still hear NAVIGATING, I know there will be much more LOSS & many more CHALLENGES. 

I UNDERSTAND THAT THESE ARE A PART OF  LIFE. 

I MOVE FORWARD WITH GRATITUDE & WONDER FOR WHATEVER IS NEXT. 

THANK YOU FOR EVERYONE WHO HAS MADE AN APPEARANCE IN MY LIFE. 

#WHERE IS JOE

#THE JOURNEY CONTINUES.

THERE ARE ANGELS AMONG US. JUST LOOK FOR THE SIGNS.

WHAT IS PRIDE?

 WHAT IS PRIDE?

PERSONAL RIGHTS in DEFENSE and EDUCATION.

June is always the beginning of the PRIDE SEASON.  

3 Presidents have officially declared the month of June as PRIDE MONTH.

Back in 1999 & 2000 President Bill Clinton first declared the month of June as the month. Following suit from 2009-2016 President Barak Obama also recognized US.  Now thankfully with our new President Joe Biden also has given us RECOGNITION.

PRETTY INSANE THAT IT HAS ONLY BEEN THE PAST 21 YEARS. It has been decades that we have been marginalized by the ESTABLISHMENT. 

The Pride organization was formed in Los Angeles California in 1966 by Steve Ginsburg. 

1966 is the year that I was born. 

Pride month occurs in the United Stated to commemorate the STONEWALL RIOTS which occured in the early morning hours of June 28, 1969-July 3, 1969

The riots were a series of spontaneous demonstrations by members of the GAY Community in response to a police raid that morning at THE STONEWELL INN in the Greenwich Village of Manhattan in NEW YORK CITY.

As a result, many PRIDE EVENTS are held during the month of June to recognize the impact the people in the community has had on the WORLD.

For over 50 years pride has been a CHAMPION of EQUALITY, DIVERSITY, & INCLUSION.

Grateful to be a part of this BEAUTIFUL COMMUNITY filled with as many colors of THE RAINBOW & BEYOND.

Many of us, our roads were not EASY. Many very DIFFICULT for any number of reasons. 

FEAR, FAMILY, SELF ACCEPTANCE, PERSECUTION, IGNORANCE & HATE.

My own journey is still PLAYING OUT. It has been a long one for sure. 

At 55 years of age, I knew in order for me to SURVIVE, like most I needed to head to a big city and find my tribe. I do not think that my story is UNIQUE. I actually think it is quite COMMON. 

I personally am not a fan of LABELS. 

I am just JOE. I don't feel the need to introduce myself as Joe a GAY MAN. 

Yes being a gay man is a part of who I am. I do not define myself by being Gay and I don't have interest in other people defining me in any way actually. 

The beauty of us as HUMANS..........WE ARE MANY THINGS. 

I feel like being labeled is more for others to make them COMFORTABLE or UNCOMFORTABLE. 

I do understand the importance of being a part of a MOVEMENT. 

I am so GRATEFUL to know and be in a community who has fought so hard to just be who we are and to LOVE. 

The compassionate, accepting and loving people that I have know through the years in the community or those who are EVOLVED enough to be LOVING ALLIES IS NOTHING SHORT OF AWESOME.

There are many that have only journeyed with me for a bit, THANK YOU. 

There are those who are still journeying with me STILL. THANK YOU. 

It is important for each and everyone of us to find our tribe. I am grateful for all those who have come before me and have made my journey a bit easier. THANK YOU. 

Your sacrifices were not in vane. I hope one day any marginalized community that is fighting for BASIC RIGHTS IS A THING OF THE PAST. 

This post is in MEMORY OF THE 5 YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF THE PULSE NIGHTCLUB MASSACRE THAT ROBBED 49 FAMILIES OF THEIR LOVED ONES DUE TO IGNORANCE & HATE WHICH HAPPENED ON JUNE 12, 2016.

WE HAVE FOUGHT LIKE HELL AND WILL CONTINUE TO FIGHT TO ERADICATE THE HATE WE FACE AS A COMMUNITY. 

LOVE WILL WIN. 

LOVE IS LOVE. 

I THINK ANYONE WHO FINDS SOMEONE TO LOVE AND BE LOVED BY IS THE ULTIMATE GIFT IN LIFE PERIOD. 

NO ONE SHOULD BE DENIED THIS HUMAN BASIC RIGHT. 

LIGHT, LOVE & PEACE.

ALSO THINKING OF THE ABBEY FRIENDS AND FAMILY ON THE MONTH OF LOSING MATT MOSCATO 16 YEARS AGO NOW PRIDE WEEKEND. 

MISS YOUR BEAUTIFUL SMILE MATT. 

HAPPY PRIDE. 2021

SHOT & READY

SHOT & READY

So it has been an insane almost 15 months, living in this crazy World, birthed through Covid-19. The GLOBAL PANDEMIC we all have been trying to navigate. 

The PANDEMIC has touched every corner of the EARTH. EVERY CORNER OF THE EARTH. No one was spared. It DID/DOES not matter what color you are, how much money you have, where you live or what your beliefs are. 

EVERY ONE OF US WAS & ARE VULNERABLE. 

Many will CONTACT &   RECOVER. Many will have long standing side effects.  Some will be carriers and never get sick. Many will recover FULLY. 

That being said, many were not so lucky. As of today the numbers of deaths both WORLDWIDE and here in the UNITED STATES are as follows. 

WORLDWIDE                     3,342,529

UNITED STATES                    582,140

THESE ARE NOT JUST NUMBERS. THESE ARE LIVES LOST.  TRAGIC.

It has been documented that our brothers and sister of color have been disproportionately affected over the white population.   MY QUESTION IS WHY?

I was not going to get the vaccine. I had ABSOLUTELY NO INTEREST. I was 100% sure that I was not going to take the vaccine. 

I am the type of person who believes whatever is going to or meant to happen in life is going to happen. Me not wanting to get the vaccine was my choice. 

But after some thought, and the year we just LIVED THROUGH, AND MOURNING THE LOSS THAT THE GLOBE WAS SUFFERING WITH ALL THOSE LOST. 

I decided that getting VACCINATED was THE RIGHT THING TO DO.

Like I said I was not fearful for my own well being. My decision was made because so many families have been FOREVER AFFECTED by the tragic loss of their loved ones. 

I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE. 

Many families sent their loved ones off to the hospital, NEVER to see them in person again. Having to say their goodbyes through a SKYPE CALL. INSANE. 

How sad and lonely for those dying and scared, not being able to have their loved ones with them as they TRANSITIONED. WHAT A FUCKED YEAR. 

So not only were they not  able to be with them while they died. They als were not able to give them a proper send-off.  My friends mom died and I was invited to attend her services on YOUTUBE. SO CRAZY.  But at the same time GRATEFUL that new ways of honoring our loved ones and saying goodbye were created. 

In the early days, so , so difficult.  Today countries like India are now suffering tremendous loss with close to 4000 people a day dying and having to handle that loss as best as they could I GUESS? There they are doing MASS CREMATIONS. It is all almost too much to handle.

So for those reasons I decided that I would get vaccinated. For the 3,342,529 WORLDWIDE AND COUNTING & the 582,140 in the USA AND COUNTING BEAUTIFUL SOULS WHO NEVER GOT THAT OPTION.

They never got that option because there was no vaccine available. 

SO IN HONOR OF THOSE LOST DECIDED TO GET MINE. 

Not out of FEAR, but out of LOVE & SORROW for all those who WISHED they had a CHOICE & CHANCE and for their loved ones who are now FOREVER without their loved ones and having to learn how to DO LIFE IN THE ABSENCE OF THEIR LOVED ONES.

MY HEART HURTS FOR ALL OF YOU. I AM SORRY. 

Hooping that you all will feel your loved ones and receive messages from them that they DID NOT WANT TO LEAVE BUT THEY ARE OK AND WILL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU. 

I am completely vaccinated and feel really good about my decision to do so.   EVERYONE OF US MUST DO LIFE THE WAY IT WORKS BEST. 

I AM READY TO RESUME LIFE IN WHATEVER FORM IT IS GOING TO TAKE ON. 

SPRING IS A TIME FOR NEW BEGINNINGS. THAT MEANS DIFFERENT THINGS FOR ALL OF US. ESPECIALLY AFTER THE YEAR THAT WE ALL HAD. 

WISHING EVERYONE JOY ON THE JOURNEY. FOR MANY THE JOY MAY BE DELAYED DUE TO LOSS AND SUFFERING. SENDING LOVE TO ALL.

REMEMBER THERE IS ALWAYS LIGHT........THE BRIGHTEST LIGHT IS USUALLY AFTER THE DARKNESS. 

PEACE AND LOVE.

 

5 DAYS TILL 55

 5 DAYS TILL 55. 

WOW. HOW THE HELL ARE WE HERE SO FAST.

It is so hard to believe that I am days away from being 55 YEARS OLD. 

Time goes REALLY, REALLY FAST.

It is INSANE. 

Lesson. LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST. DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.

We get to decide for OURSELVES. Live life UNAPOLOGETICALLY. BE KIND. BE GRATEFUL FOR THE JOURNEY. 

What I have learned in 55 years is that we are only here for a short amount of time in the BIG PICTURE. 

Living Life any other way than what your heart desires is a TRAGEDY.

For me the only way I have been able to do life is on MY OWN TERMS for the most part. 

We must find a way to be PASSIONATE about the LIVES WE ARE LIVING.

For years I have said the more time Joe(ME) has for Joe, the HAPPIER JOE IS AND EVERYONE ELSE AS WELL.

I was a person who never wanted initials or a title after my name. I just never wanted the RESPONSIBILITY to have to look after anyone other than MYSELF. 

I wanted to create a life that I can DO WHAT I WANTED TO DO. WHEN I WANTED TO DO IT.

My journey like most of us has been filled with obstacles, challenges  and sacrifices. IT IS PART OF LIFE. 

There have been times, years for that matter that due to bad choices that I have made the journey and struggles may have more difficult than they needed to be. PERHAPS? 

But I also believe whatever OBSTACLES or CHALLENGES we go through were meant for us as LESSONS to make us the COMPLEX, IMPERFECTLY, PERFECT WORKS OF PROGRESS THAT WE ARE. 

We must EMBRACE IT ALL.

In my time here on this journey, I have had the good fortune of realizing at a very young age due to all of the loss of life that I was witness to and BLESSED TO HAVE KNOWN SO MANY WONDERFUL PEOPLE IN MY LIFE. 

I knew that we can always make money during our time here. The one thing that is truly PRECIOUS is the TIME we will be here. 

WE OWN IT TO OURSELVES TO CREATE A LIFE THAT WE WANT TO LIVE THAT FILLS OUR SOULS. 

Not only that. But to be of SERVICE and BE PRESENT and to lift others UP. 

WE ALSO NEED TO BE WILLING TO ALWAYS BE LEARNING & OPENING OUR HEARST AND MINDS to things and people who are different that US. 

BY DOING THIS OUR LIVES WILL BE ENRICHED TO A LEVEL YOU WILL NOT UNDERSTAND UNTIL YOU CHOOSE TO LIVE WITH AN OPEN HEART.

I AM GRATEFUL FOR MY JOURNEY. ALL OF IT. 

I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU TO EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU WHO HAS JOURNEYED WITH ME. DOES NOT MATTER IF IT WAS FOR A MINUTE OR FOR MY WHOLE JOURNEY SO FAR. 

I WISH YOU ALL JOY, HAPPINESS, LOVE, HEALTH & ABUNDANCE.

This year was one for the books. It was probably one of my more difficult ones thus far. 

NO SURPRISE. I am sure many would say the same thing. But it did give us the time weather we were conscience or not the time to go inside and reflect, contemplate how we would like to move forward as we enter this new normal we collectively would like to live. 

JUST LIVE. LIVE LIFE NOW. 

FIND WHATEVER GROUNDS YOU AND GO FOR THE LIFE YOU WANT. 

THANK YOU FOR ALL THE LOVE AND SUPPORT THROUGHOUT THE YEARS.

 

5 DAYS OF THERAPY

 5 DAYS OF THERAPY.

So I just wrapped a five day road trip. 2487MILES. 

I drove from New York to Kanab Utah.

Beautiful Drive. Long Drive. 

New York, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois,Missouri,Kansas,Colorado, NewMexico, Arizona and finally Utah.

This added to all of my travels last year totals TWENTY-THREE THOUSAND MILES & 40 STATES.

To say I am tired is an understatement. 

What I come to realize is I am happiest when I am out on the road. It is the adventures and exploring which REFUELS ME.

While I am out on the road , I am inspired to take inventory of the world around me.

This trip did not disappoint. I have driven across the country so many times. Each and every time I am filled with GRATITUDE that I was one who knew how important getting out of your comfort zone and opening myself up to experience life outside of where I was and what I was taught.

I just posted a Youtube video which if interested you can find posted on my channel. The channel is Where is Joe?

It was my first trip back to NYC  since before Covid.

It was SHOCKING to see how QUIET & EMPTY the city was.  Saying that there still an AMAZING ENERGY in the city that not even a GLOBAL PANDEMIC can take away.  The city is MAGICAL.

I was saying how interesting it is when I have travelled to the city with people ho have not been there. 

People either LOVE or HATE what NYC IS. 

They get to the city and all of a sudden are surrounded by people who do not look like them or sound and speak like them. THEY BECOME FEARFUL. 

I find that reaction to be ODD. But I understand as these peoples lives are limited by the boundaries  they impose or society imposes on them.

One of the gifts traveling gives to people is they live beyond the boundaries due to their curiosity on new and different and willing to have experience and open our minds to WHAT IS. NOT WHAT WAS. 

The country right now is a day away from a verdict in the GEORGE FLOYD case.  The city and country is bracing for what could happen if the police officer is found INNOCENT. 

HE IS NOT INNOCENT. WE WATCHED HIM MURDER GEORGE FLOYD ON TV.

Since George Floyd there have been countless black men SENSELESSLY MURDERED by COPS which seem to have a CHIP ON THEIR SHOULDERS AND BIASED. These cops probably should have never been able to wear a badge.

The latest of DAUNTE WRIGHT a 20 years old stopped for having air freshener hanging from his rearview mirror. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. 

We are a year into a GLOBAL PANDEMIC. EVERYONE HAS MASKS HANGING FROM THEIR MIRRORS. WTF.

The department is saying the cops mistook her gun for a taser. REALLY?  This is a 26 year police veteran. 

I call BULLSHIT. This all needs to STOP.  It is beyond the realm of my comprehension the OUTWARD HATE TOWARD THE BLACK MAN. SIMPLY BECAUSE THE COLOR OF THEIR SKIN. 

It makes me HEARTSICK. HOPING FOR CHANGE.

This world is filled with so much HATE. But saying that I do believe there are more LOVING PEOPLE. I CHOOSE TO BELIEVE THAT LOVE WILL EVENTUALLY WIN.

RIP DAUTE WRIGHT 

I AM SO SORRY YOUR LIFE WAS SENSELESSLY CUT SHORT. YOUR LIFE WILL NOT HAVE BEEN LOST IN VAIN. 

MY THOUGHTS ARE WITH ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY WHO LOVED AND ARE MISSING YOU. 

WE HAVE TO DO BETTER. WE ARE BETTER THAN THIS. 

REST STOP........TIME TO REFUEL.

REST STOP..........TIME TO REFUEL.

So it is now 365 + Days since the World was changed FOREVER.

FOR EVERYONE.

As you all may know. During the pandemic, I have been on the road the WHOLE TIME. 

33 STATES 20,000 + MILES

CRAZY. I AM EXHAUSTED ON EVERY LEVEL.

I did have a number of REST STOPS in a few places.

Patterson, California

Frisco, Colorado

St.Pete Beach, Florida

Charleston, South Carolina

Atlanta, Georgia

These  few places I actually spent sometime in thinking ok maybe this is the place I will just grab an apartment and try to set some roots. 

The problem right now while still in the pandemic, it is very difficult to imagine what it would be like to really  live in these places. 

Atlanta is on the short list  for the simple reason I have friends who live there, as well as the industry being in normal times a bustling industry. 

I just thought if I want to get back into acting it might be a good fit. It is a smaller market with many more opportunities from when I was in LA pursuing my career. So stay tuned. 

Hopefully 2022 will allow me to set down some roots somewhere. TIME WILL TELL.

Right now I am in the hometown for a REST.

WHAT A YEAR.

AS I SIT HERE LOOKING BACK ON 2020 AND NOW THE FIRST THREE MONTHS OF 2021I AM TRYING TO PUT THINGS INTO PERSPECTIVE. 

As humans we naturally want to compare ourselves to others. DANGEROUS & POINTLESS.

We are all as individuals are and continue to be affected by Covid-19

Our experiences are NOT THE SAME.

Also the type of loss and suffering people have and are going through, runs the gamut from slight inconvenience, to the worse loss imaginable, the death of a loved one lost to this Pandemic.

We are making strides with curving the spread with many people being vaccinated. As of this post the Biden/Harris administration has managed to get 100,000,000 people vaccinated. Pretty impressive. That is close to 33% of the country. THIS IS HUGE.

Being on the road I learned first hand how important taking care of ones mental health is. 

I suffered quite a few bouts of VERY DARK DEPRESSION. IT WAS NO FUN.

THIS YEAR WAS SO TRAUMATIC FOR SO MANY. 

THE WHOLE WORLD. OVER 7 BILLION PEOPLE. All vulnerable to this SLIENT KILLER. 

This past year has taught me to LIVE LIFE NOW. WE JUST DON'T KNOW. 

The numbers as of today.

WORLDWIDE

127 MILLION CASES

2.78 MILLION DEAD

UNITED STATES

30.3 MILLION CASES

549 THOUSAND DEAD

A LOT OF PEOPLE AND FAMILIES SUFFERING.

Hoping we will see brighter days ahead. 

SELF CARE IS A MUST IN THESE CRAZY TIMES. BE KIND TO YOURSELF. 

MUCH LOVE. THANK YOU ALL FOR THE SUPPORT.

THE FINAL GOODBYE & OTHER THOUGHTS

 THE FINAL GOODBYE  & OTHER THOUGHTS.

One day at a time.  

So today is 2.24.21 The Anniversary of my family laying my grandmother at her final resting place for this leg of her journey.  

26 YEARS AGO TODAY.  It does not seem possible. YET IT IS..

LIFE & LOSS is so much a part of what we experience as we all move along our journey.

To my grandmother, I SAY THANK YOU. 

Thank you for your unconditional LOVE. I do not take it for granted. 

The start of the new year has been somewhat rough on all fronts.  Mainly because it has been colored by SO MUCH LOSS. Current and remembrances of loss (PAST) regarding friends and family.

Also the loss of our FREEDOMS. LIFE AS WE KNEW IT. 

For some loss of health, mental well being, loss of jobs/careers.  LOSS OF SELF.

I personally have suffered from all of these.

It has been extremely challenging. But through all of this lessons have been learned. 

For me, one of the lessons is knowing how resilient I am. But also how vulnerable and susceptible to everything I have ben through.

 ALSO WE NEED ONE ANOTHER. CAN'T DO THIS THING CALLED LIFE ALONE.

I always say as humans we can not compare ourselves to others. EASIER SAID THAN DONE. 

Also, everyones pain is their pain, and should not be denied.  It is legitimate and worthy of being addressed. 

I as many of us are dealing with things we have never had to deal with before and figuring out how to process it ALL.

As a global community we have been in a collective state of mourning for a full year now as we have witnessed the tragic loss of over five hundred thousand 500,000 lives lost here in the United States and two and one half million 2. 5 million people Worldwide.  SO MUCH LOSS. SO MANY PEOPLE SUFFERING.  TRAGIC. 

My heart hurts for ALL OF US. 

I personally have been in mourning for years. I feel like I have been in mourning my whole life. 

Mourning for friends, family, loved ones, pets, my youth, my sexuality, lack of career, not having a significant other, now coming to terms and mourning the loss of my younger life and coming to terms with AGING.  It is NO JOKE. 

I say none of this seeking pity. 

This for me as an artist is very therapeutic for me. I have journaled since I was seventeen. I now call myself the almost 55 year old Doggie Howser.

I also feel like we our mourning the loss of respect, morals, humanity, ideals, government, climate. 

WE OUR LOSING SO MUCH. IT IS ALOT. 

I am going to choose to be HOPEFUL AND TRUST THAT LOVE WINS. 

WE ALL MUST KEEP, KEEPING ON. 

I WANT TO SEND LOVE TO EVERYONE. 

I would like to have a bit of a reprieve from anymore loss. PLEASE. 

Caitlin Kelly,  James Allen MacCormack, Mark Hamilton Pottage

Andrew Mejury, Kristoff St John, Luke Perry

and of course my grandmother MADELINE CORINA 

Thoughts are with all who MISS & LOVE you ALL. 

GODSPEED

OH HAPPY DAY!!!!!!!!

 OH HAPPY DAY!!!!!!!!! BRIGHTER DAYS AHEAD.

So the world just witnessed history (HERSTORY) in these crazy times in US HISTORY.

We just had the Inauguration of Joe Biden our oldest President to be sworn in.  

Kamala Harris becomes first female, first black and first Asian-Amercian  Vice President. 

EXCITING TIMES. 

All of this after defeating Donald Trump  back in November and that POS REFUSING TO ACCEPT DEFEAT.

Not only did he refuse to accept REALITY.

He incited an insurrection on the US capitol on Januray 6, 2021.

 Thousands of DOMESTIC TERRORISTS broke into the Capitol. They vandalized the building which also resulted in five people dying. That included the MURDER of a Capitol Hill Police Officer.

Our system is SO BROKEN. I am hoping with the new administration we will began making the REPAIRS that need so desperately to be made.

The fact that DT, HIS FAMILY & DISGUSTING CRIMINAL CRONIES are all not sitting in jail waiting sentencing for TREASON & being ACCESSORIES TO MURDER is something that I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND. 

 He also was still allowed to PARDON 143 MORE CRIMINALS TO BE SET FREE JUST BECAUSE. TOTAL BULLSHIT. HOW? 

WHY was this still allowed after his TREASONOUS ACT ON AMERICA.

There was so much chatter on various WHITE SUPREMACISTS & DOMESTIC TERRORISTS sites of further INSURRECTIONS that DC had to order 25,000 NATIONAL GUARDS to PROTECT US from more attacks and violence from other AMERICANS. 

White Supremacy is on STERIODS since DT has SIDED WITH THEM in his FAKE NEWS CLAIMS. 

These KOOL-AIDE DRINKERS ARE NUTZZZZZZZZZ.

HOW SAD & TRAGIC.

This also resulted in TRUMP being IMPEACHED for the second time. He is now the only president ever IMPEACHED TWICE. Hoping in this one he will CONVICTED and be punished as the CRIMINAL that HE IS.

COVID-19 IS OUT OF CONTROL.

Over 400,000 American Lives lost due to politics and lack of leadership. 401,362 lives to exact as Trump leaves office in COMPLETE DISGRACE

Most of the country has finally been able to BREATHE and feel a sense of PEACE after the reign of terror we all have just lived through.

Yesterday was a day of HOPE,INCLUSION,UNITY,CIVILITY,HUMANITY,COMPASSION,EMPATY & PROMISE to HEAL AMERICA.

The day was BEAUTIFUL,HOPEFUL, EMOTIONAL  & INSPIRING NEW BEGINNING.

Many of us have not been proud under the mad mans watch. It is nice to feel PRIDE again.

The Inauguration and Celebration was so INCLUSIVE. 

At the Inauguration they had Gaga, Jlo, Garth Brooks perform.

One of the highlights was Poet Amanda Gorman  who read her poem "The Hill We Climb."

Here is an excerpt: 

THERE IS ALWAYS LIGHT, IF ONLY WE'RE BRAVE ENOUGH TO SEE IT. IF ONLY WE ARE BRAVE ENOUGH TO BE IT.

BEAUTIFUL PIECE.

The CELEBRATION FOR AMERICA was a Virtual Party for the citizens of America. It was so well produced. It was PERFECTION. 10.5 MILLION VIEWERS.

The line up was ALIST ALL THE WAY.

Tom Hanks, Bruce Springsteen, Joh Bon Jovi , Demi, Lovato, John Legend, Tim Mcgraw, Justin Timberlake, Yolanda Adams, Eva Longoria, Katy Perry plus all of the others. 

Also President Clinton, Bush and Obama were all on had to send messages of SUPPORT. 

Was so WELL DONE. 

Was a total show of CLASS.

No Kid Rock, Scott Baio, Antonio Sabbato Jr, Dean Cain or My Pillow Guy.  When You are a Wanna Be Has Been the talent available to you is the same CALIBER. JUST SAYIN.

DT was probably LOSING HIS MIND watching the CELEBRATION. 

It was so nice waking up here today. Everything seem LIKE IT IS ALL GOING TO BE OK.

HOLDING OUT HOPE. SENDING LOVE. 

BE KIND. WEAR YOUR MASK, SOCIAL DISTANCE, WASH YOUR HANDS.

CONGRATULATIONS AMERICA

CONGRATULATIONS PRESIDENT BIDEN, VICE PRESIDENT HARRIS. THANK YOU BOTH .

THE LIGHT IS GOING TO SHINE AGAIN.

WHAT A START!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 WHAT A START!!!!!!!!!!!!

So much for the new year starting off on the right foot. 

We are twelve days into what 2021 so far is. 

CAN WE PLEASE GO BACK TO ONE.  

So here we are 2020 in the history books. We were all looking for 2021 being a much better year than 2020.

I still remain HOPEFUL, but OMG we are off to a ROUGH START.

The Pandemic is OUT OF CONTROL. 

 As of today here in the United States  we have 22.7 million cases with 379,000 DEATHS

 INSANE. We are registering over 50,000 cases a day. Just since the beginning of the year. We are talking about 12 DAYS. 

2.5 MILLION CASES  ALMOST 40,000 DEATHS.   

WE ARE FAILING. NOT A GREAT START.

I started the year in Ocean Isle North Carolina. Currently still navigating the uncertainty of this insane time we are living in. 

Oh 2021, WE CAN DO BETTER.

I am holed up at an Extended Stay here in Charleston. Considering making Charleston my base. I THINK.  So difficult making any decision for my life in these times.  I NEED TO TRUST THE PROCESS.

JANUARY 6, 2021

ANOTHER DARK DAY IN AMERICAN HISTORY.

The US CAPITOL was STORMED by PRO TRUMP RIOTERS.

EXTREMIST , US DOMESTIC TERRORIST. ATTACK ON OUR NATION.

ABSOLUTELY SHOCKING.

5 PEOPLE including a Capitol Hill police officer have died. The officer MURDERED ON LIVE TV.

Sickening. DONALD TRUMP is 100% to blame for the division in this country.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING IN THIS COUNTRY. 

This man and his DISGUSTING FAMILY need to be held ACCOUNTABLE. 

While the attacks were taking place he and his family were watching and cheering the attackers on.

WHY THESE CRIMINALS ARE NOT IN CUSTODY ALREADY I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND.

Twitter has banned him for LIFE along with many other platforms for inciting violence against the UNITED STATES.

TREASON ANYONE??????????????????

There are threats over the next week in all 50 STATE CAPITOLS. THIS IS NUTS.

WHITE SUPREMACY, DOMESTIC TERRORISTS  are a much bigger problem than any OUTSIDE THREAT.

They were calling to have NANCY PELOSI killed and to hang MIKE PENCE. 

 Also there are ASSASSINATION THREATS TO EXECUTE THE NEW PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN AND VP KAMALA HARRIS.

OUR SYSTEM IS BROKEN.

If this CULT LEADER walks away with NO CONSEQUENCES . 

WE WILL HAVE FAILED.

ALL EYES ARE WATCHING........WE MUST DO THE RIGHT THING. EVERYONE MUST BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE. EVERYONE.

THESE

SUPPORTERS ARE NUTS. UNBELIEVABLE WATCHING THE NEWS NOW. 

CAN NOT BELIEVE I BREATHE THE SAME AIR AS THESE LUNATICS.

HOPING EVERYONE STAYS SAFE. WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS. 

MUCH LOVE

RIP CAITLIN KELLEY FLY FREE GIRL.

Hoping this is not going to be another year filled with obscene amounts of LOSS.

I PROMISE MY NEXT POSTS WILL BE MORE POSITIVE.  THE LIGHT WILL SHINE AGAIN.

New Beginnings.

 NEW BEGINNINGS.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2021.

Today we all begin a new 365 day journey. We all start with A BLANK PAGE.

Many of us breathe a sigh of relief that we managed through surviving SO FAR a GLOBAL PANDEMIC which has devastated SO MANY.

The World has literally SHUT DOWN. EVERY COUNTRY IN THE WORLD VULNERABLE TO THE SILENT KILLER KNOWN AS COVID-19.

MASKS, SANITIZER & SOCIAL DISTANCING. 

These are the TOOLS we are given to try and STAY ALIVE.

INSANE, CRAZY, CHAOTIC & HEARTBREAKING YEAR. SO MUCH LOSS.

I was saying to a friend this Pandemic is like LIFE. We all begin it with different tools in our life skills tool boxes.

Not all of our tool boxes have set. us up for SURVIVAL.

Many of us for any number of reasons begin life in the World UNPREPARED to face the Challenges we will be presented with.

Many of those suffering and lost in 2020 in our first year of dealing with the Pandemic have had underlying health issues. Many as well with limited financial means to survive the current climate.  Many in the wrong pace at the wrong time.

The black and brown communities have been disproportionately affected as well. 

My belief during this time,  I try and conduct and live my life, is that whatever is meant to BE will BE.

One of the lessons that this HUGE LIFE LESSON, has taught me is that we really only have the NOW.

We must be more present in our own lives as well as our loved ones. LIFE IS A GIFT. 

We this year will all be faced with many challenges as we continue to NAVIGATE this Pandemic. 

I am ROOTING FOR EVERYONE

TIME IS BORROWED. 

WE must CREATE & LIVE the LIFE WE WANT TO LIVE. 

JUST DO IT. DO IT NOW.

WE MUST be GRATEFUL for EVERYTHING.

365 DAYS TO WRITE & LIVE YOUR STORY FOR 2021. 

HOW IS IT GOING TO READ?

I am excited about WRITING & LIVING MINE. 

I look forward to those who will be part of this AMAZING STORY CALLED MY LFE. 

Thank you. 

WISHING YOU ALL A BEAUTIFUL JOURNEY.