WALKING THROUGH DARKNESS. YET AGAIN.

ORLANDO 2016

PULSE NIGHT CLUB.

This week the United States has suffered the largest loss of life since  9/11 at the hands of a terrorist.

103 PEOPLE SHOT
49  PEOPLE KILLED by the hands of ONE sick individual with hate in his heart.

As more and more news is being revealed we are finding out that the KILLER himself was a mentally ill individual who was conflicted by his own sexuality.

This attack hits close to home. The LGBT Community was specifically targeted by this crazed lunatic who set in motion and carried out this attack because he was bothered by two men kissing.

REALLY?  GO FUCK YOURSELF.

HOMOPHOBIA KILLS.

EVERYONE has the right to live their lives without the fear of being MURDERED for who they love.

103 people TERRORIZED by this lunatic who was filled with self-hate and not being able to accept his own struggles.

The details are still being investigated.  Possibly seeing those two men kissing hew was seeing a life he desired but could never have.

Him going to PULSE he was witness to people LIVING THEIR LIVES FREELY without the pressure of not being accepted by family or religion.

SO SO SAD.

I have cried many of tears at the fact that hundreds of peoples lives have been DIRECTLY & INDIRECTLY  been affected yet again by HATRED.

LOVE IS LOVE IS LOVE.

SELF ACCEPTANCE IS THE KEY TO SELF LOVE.

JUST BE YOU.

WE WILL RISE.

My HEARTFELT CONDOLENCES to the families of the 49 SOULS who have embarked on a brand new journey.  GOD SPEED.

To those injured and suffering. My wish for you all is a SPEEDY & FULL RECOVERY both physically and emotionally.

I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS & PAIN.

WE OUR ORLANDO.

I PULSE.......THE PULSE OF LOVE. WE ARE ONE.

Seeing the LOVE AND SUPPORT OF THE COMMUNITY AND THE WORLD IS A BEAUTIFUL THING TO WITNESS.   Sorry it has taken such a horrible event like this to pull people together yet again.

CHANGE WILL HAPPEN IN YOUR MEMORY.


I POST THESE IMAGES AS MY WISH FOR YOUR NEW JOURNEY AND THE BEAUTY YOU WILL ALL BE SURROUNDED BY.

FRESH AIR.

FRESH AIR.

On May 6, 2016 I arrived in ALASKA after deciding to leave Los Angeles for a second time after doing a 3 year stint this time.

My departure took me on a roadtrip from Los Angeles to Denali State Park in Trapper Creek Alaska.

3500 MILES & 13 DAYS on the road was exaclty what I needed and very SOUL SATISFYING.

I was able to catch up with some friends and able to meet new friends.  Some of the old friends I had not seen in 12 plus years. It was great to catch up. Really seemed like no time had gone by. Funny how that happens.

Thank you all for giving me a place to sleep and a meal to eat on the journey. But most of all for sharing your TIME.

I understand the IMPORTANCE & VALUE of one time. I appreciate yours.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

For the past 7-8 years, I HAVE MADE A POINT OF SPENDING MY BIRTHDAY IN A DIFFERENT PART OF THE WORLD.

This birthday was a BIG ONE.

I turned 50.

 I am thankful for the gift of LIFE.

I have grown up in a time where many man and woman were not afforded that LUXURY.

I am so happy that I was able to give myself the time for the drive and I was able to give myself the GIFT of once again being out in the WORLD on a new ADVENTURE.

Alaska has been on the BUCKETLIST for quite sometime.

ALASKA you have been even more SPECTACULAR than even I imagined.

I am truly BLESSED.

The landscape and the CLEAN FRESH AIR has allowed me to RECHARGE & BREATHE again.

We all have CHOICES to make in life.

Mine has been to live a life of ADVENTURE  & GROWTH..

I have not always lived this way, even though I have wanted to.

For me life is about LIVING.
I don't want to and have no interest in just EXISTING.

So with that I am able to BREATHE.

I encourage you all to listen to the SONG IN YOUR HEART.

What makes you HAPPY & JOYFUL??????????

SEEK IT OUT IT IS YOUR BIRTH RIGHT.

PEACE & BLESSINGS

PASSING BY

PASSING BY.

WHAT IS PASSING BY?  LIFE.

We only have the NOW.  As I MOVING QUICKLY towards 50.

I am making CHANGES, REFLECTING & Setting INTENTIONS to move into the next PHASE.

Call it the SECOND HALF/CHAPTER or the FINAL CHAPTER. WHO KNOWS.


I don't know what it all means. What I do know is that I am so HAPPY  that I am WILLING & have the COURAGE to step outside the box and GO ON THE RIDE.

Throughout my life I have made alot of MISTAKES. I have made MANY, MANY WRONG CHOICES.

But I am not sure they were mistakes and wrong choices. MY BELIEF is that we are exactly where we are suppose to be in life when we are there.

Lessons to be learned either for ourselves or for others.

I am looking forward to getting out on the road and getting back intouch with my CREATIVE & SPIRITUAL SELF.

I am excited by the mystery of it all and of the NOT KNOWING.

By not knowing I am left to TRUST.

I DO.

I trust that EVERYTHING IS REVEALED IN ITS PERFECT TIME.

The key that I have discovered that works for me is to LIVE to the best of my ability.

I want to take the time to thank my mom for teaching me to have COMPASSION and to be a KIND &CARING Human being.  Especially living today in this world where so many are OBLIVIOUS to there surroundings and are only SELF INVOVED.

I encourage us all to be a little KINDER as we move through our day and our LIVES.

There is so much craziness in the World today.

My heart goes out to all those involved and those who lost their lives in yet another act of HATE in BELGIUM. PRAYERS FOR BELGIUM.

I also wanted to send love and light to childhood friends whose son went missing on Christmas Day and was found almost ten weeks later when his body was returned to the family.

I WANT TO ENCOURAGE ALL OF US TO GO OUT ON A LIMB.

We only live once. LETS MAKE IT COUNT.

This painting was done by the very talented Thom Bierdz

TIME FOR CHANGE

TIME FOR CHANGE.

THE WORD ARRIVED TODAY.

I can begin to wind down my life here in Los Angeles.

Last year before I got the job at the Westin Bonaventure I was ready to trade in mylife in LA for life back on the road.

Once I got the JOB. That is what it is and has been.

 I would see how things would work out.  Of course as soon as I got the job, I also got an opportunity to go and work in Alaska for the season which I pursued and was offered the job. Unfortunately they would not let me sublease my place so I passed on the job.

I knew it was something I was interested in doing so I kept the lines of communication open and stayed in contact and this year they have offered me the job.

So here I haved received what I have asked for which is GREAT.
So why am  I now beginning to have doubts. WHY? I am not really having doubts. I know this is a great opportunity for me.

FEAR. FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL.

This will allow me to take a 4200 mile roadtrip through the Pacific Northwest and Alaska which is a part of the country I have not yet visited but have always wanted to.

ALASKA has always been a BUCKETLIST TRIP I have wanted to take.

It allows me to take a few weeks off and than have a job for 4.5 months.

What does all of this mean?   I get to finally leave LA and the hotel which has been a steady gig, my first since leaving LA IN 09 The one bad thing leaving the job is that I honestly really sincerely like and enjoy everyone that I work with.

So it removes the safety net which has given me reason after reason to not focus my energies on my passion and dreams. I have allowed my self to SELLOUT for the SECURITY of a PAYCHECK.

Actually I need to cut myself some slack. I did what I neeeded to do.  THAT IS OK.

That is NOT WHO I AM.

Getting out on the road I am TRUSTING will get me back in touch with my SOUL.

I am going IN SEARCH OF FOOD FOR THE SOUL.

I am trying to do a plus and minus for taking the job and leaving LA.  I need to keep telling myself CHANGE IS GOOD. CHANGE IS WHAT FEEDS MY SOUL. I NEED TO TRUST.

I KNOW I AM A SURVIVOR.

I am 8 weeks from turning 50. THE BIG 50.
I am full of GRATITUDE FOR THIS GIFT. So many were not given the opportunity.

It is time for an ADVENTURE. This is a good thing.
LIFE IS ABOUT MOVEMENT. I NEED TO GO WITH THE FLOW.

IT IS SO IMPORTANT TO ANSWER THE CALL.

TIME TO GO OUT ON A LIMB. TRUSTING MY DECISION.

Art work by Thom Bierdz.

CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 2

The middle of chapter two we get to celebrate the HOLIDAY OF LOVE.

VALENTINES DAY.

THE DAY OF LOVE.

This is the day where everyone gets to SHOW & SHARE your LOVE with whoever you may LOVE.

PARENTS
LOVERS
SIBLINGS
CO-WORKERS
HUSBAND AND WIVES
FRIENDS
PETS
NATURE

All of these loves are important and for those who are  able to share this love with one, a few or all we are truly blessed.

VALENTINES DAY as well as EVERYDAY is a great time to look in the mirror and to SHOW & SHOWER ourselves with the same kind of LOVE that we are so willing to share with others.

We need to put OURSELVES at the top of of lists and make us a PRIORITY.

It is only when we are able to MASTER the LOVE of SELF, that we will be fortunate enough to attract the love that we all so desire.

We must realize that we are ENOUGH & WORTHY of those other kinds of LOVE.

We need to OPEN OURSELVES UP TO THE ABUNDANCE OF LOVE FLOWING IN THE WORLD. WE DO THAT BY BEING A VESSEL OF LOVE OURSELVES.

We are here to make a differnece in the lives of others by being of SERVICE.

THAT IS LOVE.

LOVE IS LOVE.

LOVE SHOWS UP IN MANY FORMS.

BE OPEN TO LOVE.

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY WE MUST BE LOVING AND KIND TO OURSELVES.

2/21/95 MY GRANDMOTHER MADELINE CORINA TRANSITIONED.
I MISS HER EVERDAY BUT KNOW SHE IS WITH ME ALWAYS. THE BUTTERFLY IS MY SIGN FROM HER THAT SHE IS FINE AND I AM FINE.

CHAPTER 1.

CHAPTER 1.

As I  get ready to finish out my  first chapter in my book titled Life in 2016.

So far it has not been a book that grabs you from the get go. I am TRUSTING that all will change.
It has begun with some OBSTACLES that I need to overcome in order for the year to really take off.

There will be many changes taking place and adventures in 2016.

I have decided that I want to wrap up life in Los Angeles. I have spent almost the last 30 years of my life here.

I am ready to see what else life has to offer.

This is a big year for me.

I AM TURNING 50. OUCH. NO REALLY. OUCH.

Actually if I am being completely HONEST.
I am slightly bothered by this number. The reason I am bothered by turning 50 is because according to others and me comparing myself to others I feel like I should be much more accomplished and have more in my life.

That is my own INSECURITIES.

The one thing that I am around turning 50 is GRATEFUL.  I have worked on and off in the AIDS INDUSTRY SINCE practically the BEGINNING of the AIDS EPIDEMIC seeing so many promising men and women who never were afforded the opportunity to reach their FULL POTENTIAL and to LIVE a long HEALTHY LIFE.

So because of all of this,  I have decided that it was time to explore and see what else is out there. I have spent 30 years in a place that I feel has offered so little.

I came here for the DREAM.

IT DID NOT HAPPEN. I had so small successes but does not really sustain a life.

I have decided that I THINK I will be much HAPPIER in a smaller market able to do what I do.

It is also much easier to just work if that is what must be done. It is very DIFFICULT working a SURVIVAL JOB here in Los Angeles when you come here for the DREAM.

It has really messed with my HEAD & LIFE.

So the WHEELS ARE IN MOTION for a mid-APRIL DEPARTURE.

First thing on the AGENDA is a ROADTRIP to Alaska and Hopefully WORK.

Stay tuned.

Time to answer the call. Want to make sure 2016 is a book worth READING.

REACH FOR THE STARS....THE SKY IS THE LIMIT.

THE FREEDOM TOWER. I AM SETTING MYSELF FREE TO SEEK OUT A BETTER LIFE FOR MYSELF. WE ALL DESERVE TO BE FREE. 

CLEAN SLATE

CLEAN SLATE.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016.

Here we are at the beginning of a NEW YEAR. which gives us the opportunity to ........

BEGIN AGAIN. START OVER. MAKE CHANGES.

We get to DESIGN the LIFE we WANT to LIVE.
We have the POWER.

It is actually not as difficult as we make it out to be.

We decide by the CHOICES that we make the way the year will play itself out.

If we WORK HARD,STAY FOCUSED on our GOALS, we really do have the POWER to MANIFEST the LIFE we WANT to LIVE.

Today is the beginning of a 365 day brand new JOURNEY OF 2016.

HOW WILL YOU BEGIN YOUR JOURNEY?

What will the journey look like DAY 1, WEEK 1, MONTH 1?

As the DESIGNERS of this BEAUTIFUL GIFT we are so BLESSED to be granted called LIFE.

WE GET TO DECIDE. THE CHOICE IS OURS.

Remove the FEAR of the unknown. Trust in your abilities.

WE are more POWERFUL than we realize.
As we move forward into 2016, Let's move in knowing we are able to CREATE the changes in our LIVES as well as the CHANGES needed in the WORLD.

WE CAN DELIVER. JUS DO THE RIGHT THING.

I wish all of you a BLESSED JOURNEY as we move forward.

THANK YOU.
2 OF THE MOST POWEFUL WORDS WE COULD EVER SPEAK.
It is all about GRATITUDE.

I APPRECIATE all of you for being a part of my life, and I THANK YOU fo all of the LESSONS LEARNED and those that I am still learning.

IT'S A WRAP

IT'S A WRAP.

WOW.

DAY 365

Another one for the history books.

Reflecting back on 2015 it was a year of STRUGGLE  & SUCCESS.

The struggle & loss in 2015 was REAL & HURT for me personally and for all of us globally.

I feel as though this year has flown by for the most part. I also feel like it has dragged ON & ON.

 The year was pretty uneventful and unsatisfying for me CREATIVELY.

I allowed myself to get SIDE TRACKED with a Survival job.

I am grateful for the job. But I allowed it to SUCK UP ALL OF MY ENERGY.

I was unable to balance working the survival job and than finding the energy to pursue my creative life.
 

No one to blame but ME.

I just gave up.

Los Angeles has never creatively inspired me. So I basically threw in the towel.

It made the year a very challenging one for me emotionally.

I was not living authentically. So I am very happy to move on from 2015 and enter 2016 with a plan to live the life that I want to live.

Again it comes down to CHOICES.

This year I played it SAFE.

I hope as we close out 2015 all of my friends and family who have faced struggle, hardship and loss. My wish for all of us is that we SAIL into 2016 with blessings of PEACE, JOY,HEALTH,ABUNDANCE,PROPERTY,LOVE & GRATITUDE.

Peace & Friendship

A new chapter begins tomorrow for ALL OF US.
 LET US GO CREATE A BEAUTIFUL NEW YEAR.

MANIFESTATION

OATH of MANIFESTATION.

I accept and receive unexpected GOOD, unexpected MONEY, unexpected LOVE, unexpected KINDNESS, unexpected GENEROSITY, unexpected OFFERS, unexpected PROSPERITY coming in unexpected ways from unexpected places in my LIFE and the LIFE of others.

I am constantly GUIDED, and boldly EMPOWERED to recieve THE LAVISH ABUNDANCE OF THE UNIVERSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I accept the principle that abundance and prosperty have ALREADY BEEN GIVEN TO ME.

My ACCEPTANCE makes it real and OPENS the space for MANIFESTATION to rush in ! I open wide the doors of my CONSCIOUSNESS TO RECEIVE AND TO GIVE.

IT IS DONE NOW,

Throught this Oath of Manifestation ALL things are POSSIBLE!

I declare, absolutely trhat I live in a FRIENDLY UNIVERSE that is ALWAYS providing for me. I feel it powerfully happening NOW!

I open to receive more abundance, and give more abundance, than I have ever experienced before. I CAN AFFORD ANYTHING I DESIRE!

I am so PROSPEROUS i need NEVER worry again!

i AM grateful for ALL that I already have, and grateful for all that I am ready to give!

I keep myself in HIGH CONSCIOUSNESS, no matter what appearnace are!. GOD is ALL THERE IS.

And so IT IS.

CREDIT TO REV MICHAEL
This was a gift from Rev, Michael Bernard Beckwith form AGAPE INTERNATIONAL SPIRITUAL CENTER.

Do yourself a favor and checkout one of their services at www.agapelive.com

Many years ago I was introduced to Agape through a friend of mine Miguel Chenal.

I have always said that that special day shared with friends was a GIFT. Which I continue to give to myself.

I wanted to share this with all of you. Will all DESERVE & are WORTHY of MANIFESTING THE LIFE WE DREAM TO LIVE.

PEACE & BLESSINGS

HAPPY HOLIDAYS 2016   FOLLOW THE LIGHT & SHINE YOUR LIGHT.

END OF THE LINE.

NOVEMBER 15, 2015

Today the call came.

My mom called to let me know that my great Aunt Rita had passed away. We knew the call was coming. But yet even when it does it hurts.

For our family this was my grandmother who embarked on her new journey 20 years earlier's baby sister and the last of the aunts and uncles.

Aunt Rita was the final connection to my grandmother and my childhood and all the wonderful memories down at the old family house which has not been in our family for many years.

Aunt Rita was the best cook ever and was COOKING ALL THE TIME FOR EVERYONE.
My favorite was her Strawberry Shortcake which is still my favorite dessert.

She would lovingly make one for me whenever she knew I was going to back in town.

She thankfully shared her recipe with my mom who will now carry on with my dessert requests.

I was back home in October to visit with the family and was planning on going to visit her. I did not go and visit as mom said she had slipped into a state of not knowing anyone and was just not herself.

Mom would tell me everytime she would go to visit how heartbreaking it was. Mom would pray for God to reunite her with the rest of her family who she was estranged from for such a long tim

She wanted me to remember her as the FUNNY, WITTY & SASSY WOMAN SHE HAD BEEN FOR HER WHOLE LIFE. She could give BETTY WHITE who I adore a run for her money in the funny department.

AUNT RITA,

Thank you for being you and loving me and bringing much joy into my life and leaving me with so many wonderul memories.

Like Domenica said..........DANCE IN PEACE.

LOVE YOU AND WILL MISS YOU.

I am happy you are reunited with Gram and the rest of the family.  Carrying on, on this wonderful new journey you are beginning.

GIVE GRAM A BIG HUG AND KISS FOR ME.